Well Conor, it's been some time since I've written anything to you, Son. Months in fact! And while it's no excuse as you are far and away my ultimate priority, I will say that starting a business and navigating the seas of change is somewhat trying. No doubt it's taken a toll on me. At the same time though, these last 11 months have shaped me, given me perspective, worn me down, and lifted me up. And while I am a man built on his passions, there will always be times in life when the things we love must be cast aside in order to overcome the obstacles ahead of us.
Never the less, it's time I get back to who I am and what I stand for and my writing and passion for the written word - whether reading it or writing it - is among those things I need to absolutely find time for... I love my job. I love my career. I believe wholeheartedly in the vision my workmates and I have for the company we've started. Though even when worry and doubt casts a shroud of uncertainty, perseverance and belief will always pay off... Always. Life is a balance, Boy'O. And in order to maintain your happiness, you have to maintain that balance. No matter what.
Remember this Son, if I teach you nothing else in life, please remember this - Be who you are. Stay true to yourself, stay honest, stay hopeful, and remain passionate about who and what you love. Do this and you will have lived a full and joyous life. Do it not, and you'll always live in doubt.
Okay, enough of that. Let's get to the 'Story of Us', shall we?
Wow, where to begin?! I met your mother years before we ever went on our first 'date' (there's still some debate as to our first time out together being a date - Mommy says no, I say yes. Semantics...). In fact we met through mutual friends, one being your Uncle Justin. Those initial conversations were nothing if not casual. I mean, sure, she caught my eye, your mother is a beautiful woman! But as far as I was concerned she was out of my league. Like, not even in the same sport! So of course I never gave it much thought... Then one night I got a phone call from Uncle Justin asking if I was interested in coming over to his place to shoot pool on our old family pool table we'd set up in his basement. He'd mentioned your Mother as being there with a guy, Brian was his name, and more than anything Uncle Justin wanted someone more familiar in the house while his then-girlfriend, Kim, was entertaining her friend and colleague, Sara (your mother) and her date, Brian.
Upon my arrival it was exactly the scene you (as an adult) would imagine. Two couples standing around the pool table talking about nothing in specific, drinking beer, shooting stick; just hanging out. I said hello to everyone and met Brian. He seemed like a nice enough guy. And then he spoke...
I try not to be judgmental, Son. I do try. But sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade - and Brian? Well, Brian was dumber than a bag of hammers. Again - nice guy! But a little slow... I may have wondered to myself what your mother was doing hanging out with a guy whose got the conversational aptitude of a llama, but as I said, there were no romantic interests so I also didn't care. Regardless, as the night wore on, and with Brian standing in the room, your mother started outwardly flirting with me. I found it to be somewhat amusing, especially because Brian never seemed to notice! Still, that was the first night your Mother truly caught my attention, albeit just a bit of harmless flirting. Nothing came of it. And once again I paid it no mind.
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| Mommy and Uncle Justin - 1997 |
Thirteen years ago to this very day, Hallows Eve in the year of our Lord 2000, our paths crossed yet again. Only this time the conversation wasn't so passing and intentions were high when inquiries were made...
Your Uncle Justin and I were attending the Monday Night Football game at FedEx Field to see the Washington Redskins take on the Tennessee Titans and, as mentioned, it was Halloween. In fact there were three of us as Uncle Justin's then girlfriend, Kim, was also at the game. When the game ended and we were exiting the stadium, I happened to look over my right shoulder at a striking blonde woman whose presence can easily overpower so many passer-bys. I stopped...
"Hey Kim, isn't that your friend, Sara?" Kim nodded and flashed an excited smile. "It is!" she said, and hurriedly turned to make her way over to surprise your mom. Uncle Justin and I followed along, dragging our feet in disappointment following the Redskins loss to the Titans...
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| Daddy dressed as Deion "Prime Time" Sanders |
It was a cool night, as late October in the DC area generally is. Your mother was wearing a tan suede jacket, turquoise scarf, blue jeans, and tan suede boots to match the jacket. Her hair was perfect, make up was flawless, and she had a smile and a way about her that could make any man stop cold and just want to meet her, if for nothing else, just to say he had.
The conversation went something like this...
"Hey Shane! How are you? Great costume! What are you up to these days?" I smiled a wry smile. "Hey yourself! Great to see you... And thanks! I'm really good! In fact, I'm moving to Scotland on a two year contract in a couple of months, so really looking forward to it. How are things with you?"
This chit-chat continued for a bit longer before your mother finally said to me, "Well we should get together before you go!" Of course I agreed, got her email address, and said I would be in touch. Waiting the obligatory couple of days (never rush into these things, Son - trust me) I emailed your mom about maybe getting together over the weekend to watch football at my place; the thought being, "Well, we met at a football game so she must be a football fan!" And to my great pleasure, she accepted!
We watched the game at my place in Centreville, Virginia and then decided to head out to grab a drink and a bite to eat. This is where the debate comes into play as to whether or not this social hour at a local restaurant was a "date". My contestation being that it was because A) it was just the two of us and B) I paid. Hence "Date", but I digress... And it was this "date" when my interest and intrigue in your mother peaked.
She was wearing a black cashmere sweater and red leather pants. I'll certainly never forget that because earlier in the week I'd made some comment regarding what I thought about overly pretentious women wearing faux leather pants and how that kind of person did nothing for me. This was also about the time your mother forcibly placed my foot squarely in my mouth by letting me know that, not only does she have several pair of leather pants, but they certainly are not fake. Never the less, aside from her breathtaking beauty and powerful presence, what really struck me about your mother was just how different she was from any woman I'd ever met. And she remains so to this day...
We sat at the restaurant bar in Fairfax, what was then Don Pablos - a restaurant I once managed in my earlier years - and talked for hours. It was a night I preferred would never end. The opportunity to dive into one's soul and listen to what moves them, what ignites them, and what makes them who they are. Those opportunities are so very rare, Conor. And all the while knowing I would be moving 4,000 miles away in 3 months time. It was a bitter-sweet "date", to say the least.
Your mother told me then and there, at 26 years old, that she would be a CEO of a company some day. She told me how much she loved children and that it was her desire to "have a baseball team" of children. She spoke of her family and of her father, your natural Grandfather, who died in the service of his country and the wonderful man who adopted her as his own when she was just four years old, and why she's the woman she is today as a result of that pairing. It was a fascinating conversation, Son. One I will never forget.
The night ended as all nights do, though an impression was made upon both of us, and we decided that we'd like to see one another again. Perhaps go out on a more formal "date". And so we did...
Two weeks and several dates later, I received a phone call from your mother asking me if I'd be interested in attending her cousin's wedding with her. Of course I responded affirmatively, though what happened next began cementing what would be an inseparable relationship. When I asked where the wedding would be and she told me Ocean City, New Jersey, I stopped dead in my tracks. "Ocean City, New Jersey?!" I said excitedly.
"Yes" she said, "Why?"
"Because my Mother lives in Ocean City, New Jersey! How random is THAT?"
And that would be the first time your Mom-Mom would meet your mother - her future daughter-in-law, even if she didn't know it...
After a fantastic time 'Down the Shore' with your mom for Donnie and Lori's wedding, I received another email asking if I'd be interested in traveling with her yet again, only this time to Boston for a conference she was to be working. I'd done a considerable amount of work in Boston the year prior and knew it well, so the thought being, your mother had never been to Boston and considering I knew the city pretty intimately having all but lived there for a month, I would go up with her and show her around. Unfortunately, and yet not, I responded with regrets to tell her that I would be traveling to Edinburgh, Scotland for a week to find a flat in the city and to interview my team in Livingston, Scotland.
Almost jokingly I responded back, "I'm sorry I can't make your weekend in Boston, but if you wanna bag it and go to Edinburgh for a week, cover your airfare and I'll get the rest!" Surprisingly, fifteen minutes later I received another email with a list of airfares on the dates I'd be traveling asking which one she should choose! Needless to say I was shocked that she was amenable to the idea, though of course pleased as well! You see Boy'O, at the time I was working my way up through the telecommunications industry - an industry that, in its time, was as booming as any in the modern age. The money was seemingly free...I traveled the country, as well as abroad, for almost two years as a single man with a laptop, a cell phone, and an American Express card in a time when those things were either novelty or necessity. Certainly not common. And all the while I never saw a single expense report. I was in my late 20's and the World was my oyster, so long as I was willing to perform the duties assigned to me. And I was.
Never the less, your mother booked her airfare and off we went to Edinburgh. Given my then status as a traveler and the access and resources afforded to me, that would be a week to remember for a lifetime. We stayed in the Hotel Caledonia, Edinburgh's only Three-Star Michelin Rated hotel located at the base of the Castle steps and the Royal Mile - home of the oldest crown jewels in existence. What's more, we were there during the week of St Andrew's Day - Scotland's equivalent to the United States 'Fourth of July'. Needless to say, it was a fantastic time, despite the work and the effort to find a place to live, meet the team, etc. Though the flight home would be sullen...
After an experience like that, Boy'O, short of digging up some sort of mental disorder or genetic disposition to finding happiness, you're in love. No two ways about it. And it bears mentioning that at this point, your mother and I had been dating for all of three weeks. THREE WEEKS!
Still, the fact I was moving overseas for at least two years loomed like a storm cloud. Then, the most interesting thing happened...
I was set and ready to move to downtown Edinburgh on January 15th, 2001. I'd given up my condo, was prepared to sell my truck, my Dad -your Pop-Pop, was going to take my dog, I'd signed a lease on a downtown apartment, or 'flat' in Edinburgh... It would be inevitable. Your mother and I would say our goodbyes and I would move away and that would likely be the end of our perfect romance - despite her promises to come and visit once a month. And then one day in late December, I was called into my Division Vice President's office and informed that, regretfully, the entire European Operation was Chapter 11. Bankrupt. Tits Up. Done.
Talk about dodging a bullet, Son. I've dodged a number of bullets in my life. Car crashes and motorcycle wrecks, poor decisions under the influence, and questionable characters with crooked intentions being introduced into my life, but this would be the mother of all bullet dodges. I was all set and ready to give up everything and everyone I knew and move to another country for AT LEAST two years, and the carpet was pulled right out from underneath of me! I'd have been swimming the Atlantic to get back to the states without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of! Crisis averted... And here we are.
Upon receiving this information and realizing that I would still have to give up my condo - your Aunt Tracy rented it and I had to rent it back from her - and with your mother's then roommate, Melissa, moving to Los Angeles with the love of her life, we both found ourselves in a unique position. Either get places of our own and keep shuffling back and forth between our respective apartments, or move in together. We chose the latter.
Your mother and I were dating for less than eleven months before I asked her to marry me and we were married just over a year later on October 5th, 2002 at Woodlawn Plantation in Mt Vernon, VA. The ceremony was as perfect as the nuptials themselves. Weather, attendees, food, drink... Perfect. In under two years I'd met your mother, fell in love, made some crucial and lasting life decisions, and here we are. The Story of Us.
It bears mentioning, Conor - Relationships can be difficult. In the thirteen years to this very day your mother suggested we get together before I move a World away, we've certainly had our ups and downs. The early years of our life together were all about the celebration. Traveling the World and experiencing all of what life has to offer. Seeing it all and throwing caution to the wind. Staying up late and sleeping in later. The only thought in mind being, "what do we do today?" We were surrounded by wonderful people and friends who were as close as family. Though what we've learned is, we all have a path to follow. And sometimes that path can lead us into some pretty thick stuff. It's easy to become entangled in corruptible thoughts and "what if's" when times get tough. But the truth is, in this life you'll only ever meet a handful of people who will stand by you, no matter what.
The party eventually ends, no two ways about it. And what you're left with are the people who accept you at your core. They may not always understand you, but they accept you. They accept you because they love you. Sure, your mother and I may not always agree, but there's no such thing as a perfect union. There's only what you can accept and understand. Truth is all there is... Who will be there for you no matter what the circumstance, consequence, or outcome? For me, that's been your mother and a very select few others - excluding family of course. Blood will ALWAYS be thicker than water, and you'd be wise to never forget that...
Now, 13 years later, I'm writing this letter to you. My Son. The light of my life. A boy who's redefined what I stand for. Who's allowed me to see that in fact, the party didn't end, it just became a different kind of party. A party that includes the best of both of us. You. And without question, no matter my greatest achievements or most humiliating and humbling failures, you are now and will always be, both mine and your mother's greatest reward. And you will be loved, Boy'O. You will always be loved.
I love you, Son.
Always,
Dad
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